For the past two years, the advocates who serve on ACSA’s Member Assistance and Legal Support Team, under the direction of Margarita Cuizon-Armelino, have been in contact with many of our administrators who have had to endure hostile behavior from parents and members of the community.

Throughout California, there have been many school board meetings that have been convened for the purpose of discussing vaccine and mask mandates due to the pandemic that have evolved into chaotic shouting matches, and some have escalated to threats of violence. While incivility in public meetings is disturbing, many site level principals and assistant principals deal with angry parents and community members every day.

Several members of ACSA’s team reviewed Board Adopted Civility Policies from seven California school districts. Each of them had similar language. They each were clear that the policies were not adopted to suppress parents or community members from expressing their concerns. They were adopted, however, to maintain safety for students and staff so that the educational program would not be interrupted. As a site level administrator, we suggest you review the civility policy in your district. Each of these adopted policies also list the California Education and Penal Codes related to this topic. For your convenience and easy reference we have listed several of these codes at the end of this article.

As a site level administrator, also consider the following suggestions.

1. Make a plan

When confronted with an angry parent or community member, greet them with a smile and make certain to maintain eye contact. Move them into your office as quickly as possible, so that, hopefully, the individual feels less of a need to show off in front of others.

Consider providing training for your office staff members, so that they can cope for a short period of time in case you are not available immediately. They can be very helpful in terms of calming people down. If possible, do not have students present for the meeting.

2. Be a good listener

The most critical aspect to dealing with an angry parent or community member is to listen. Active listening lets the person with whom you are speaking know that you have heard what they in fact have said. Being an active listener can also help to reduce the tension in the meeting and can lead to possibly reaching solutions, even if it’s only to agree to disagree.

Consider taking notes even if you are well aware of the situation. Take every opportunity to repeat whatever is being said by the parent or community member. Repeating back core points made by an individual reassures the individual that their message has indeed been heard.

3. Focus on the issue

Put yourself in the parent’s shoes. Let the individual know that you want to be of help, but it is absolutely necessary that everyone conduct themselves in a civil/calm manner.

As a general rule, remind the parent or community member that there needs to be a focus on the issue. You may need to guide the parent or community member to stay focused on the issue. As an example, you might say: “I’m feeling that we’re straying from your original concern, and I want to make sure that we can reach some understanding and hopefully find a solution.”

4. Interrupt hostility

If the parent or community member is abusive or uses profanity, let the individual know that you are there to listen and be of assistance, but, if they can’t calm down, you will have to end the meeting and have the conversation at another time. Don’t forget to review your district’s board-adopted Civility Policy. There most likely is language specifically addressing this issue.

Sometimes it helps to take a quick break when discussions heat up. A technique that often works is to offer the individual something to drink. Leave them alone for a few minutes, and let them know that you will be back shortly.

If you or your family is personally threatened either verbally or in writing with statements that we see on the local and national news almost nightly at public meetings, such as: “I know where you live,” it’s time to contact the appropriate law enforcement agency in your community and file a police report. It also may be time to request a restraining order to not allow this parent or community member on the campus or near your home. Threats like these are not to be taken lightly. We suggest notifying the appropriate district personnel to keep them in the loop and hopefully get support. California’s Penal Code Section 71 refers to threatening public officers, public employees and school officials.