Some transitions in education are exciting. Others are complex. And then there’s this one: when a teacher becomes the principal of the same school where they taught. That’s the transition that will test every ounce of someone’s emotional intelligence, leadership discipline, and communication clarity.

I’ve had the honor of coaching a few leaders through this very journey: brilliant educators who were tapped for leadership because they were respected, thoughtful, and deeply committed to their school communities. And I’ve seen just how quickly those strengths can get tangled up in old relationships, shifting expectations, and an intensity that’s hard to name but easy to feel.

When you’re promoted into a leadership role within your own school, you’re not walking into a new school as the new principal. You’re walking into a familiar space wearing a different hat — one that everyone sees before they see you. Colleagues who used to be your lunch buddies now see you as their evaluator. Friends you confided in last year may wonder if they can still trust you. And meanwhile, you’re expected to hit the ground running — leading change, building a shared vision, and managing everything from curriculum to air conditioning units.

So how do you help someone navigate that?

Here are three of the most common pitfalls I see when I’m coaching new principals in their own schools and how I guide them to avoid or overcome them.

Pitfall #1: Trying to lead without redefining relationships When a new principal tells me, “I just want to stay the same person,” I know we’ve got some work to do.

That’s a beautiful sentiment, but it’s dangerous.

Trying to keep every relationship exactly the same sets up unrealistic expectations for everyone. It can lead to blurred lines, favoritism (real or perceived), and a heavy emotional lift when leadership requires hard choices.

How I coach for this:

We talk about how leadership changes the dynamic — and that’s OK. I help them script a message to staff that names the shift directly and with empathy. Something like: “I know this change may feel strange — I’ve been your colleague and teammate, and I’ve loved working beside you. Now, my role has shifted, and while our relationships still matter deeply, I’ll also be approaching things with a broader view and a different set of responsibilities.”

Then we dig into what it means to be and act in alignment with that new role. We walk through real scenarios — someone who’s consistently late to work, a friend who resists a new initiative, a staff member they used to commiserate with now pushes boundaries. We rehearse responses that are fair, firm, and kind. And I reinforce this truth: Being clear is not being cold.

This one often shows up in the second month.

At first, the new principal wants to be liked. They’re trying to honor relationships. But then something happens — a rough staff meeting, a parking lot rumor, a moment of pushback — and suddenly they feel like they have to prove they’re in charge. So they start clamping down. Policies get stricter. The tone gets sharper. Communication becomes more transactional.

And staff start whispering, “They’ve changed.”

How I coach for this: First, I validate their instinct to want to establish authority. That’s not a bad instinct — it’s part of leadership. But then I help them reconnect with their leadership identity, not just their authority role.

We talk about what it means to be strong and relational. We practice how to say “no” without shutting people down. We discuss how to hold boundaries without becoming too guarded.

And then I guide them to use what they already know about the school and staff, such as the culture, the pain points, and the talents, so they can lead with both heart and direction. Often, we co-design a “listening tour” if they haven’t done one yet. It’s not just about gathering feedback — it’s about building relational capital so that when tough calls are made, people know the leader listened first. It’s an early deposit in the emotional bank account that says, I value you, I see you, and I’m leading with care, not just authority.

Pitfall #3: Assuming trust carries over with the new title This one is sneaky.

A new principal might assume that because people liked them as a teacher, they’ll automatically trust them as a leader. But that’s not how trust works. The context has changed. The stakes have changed. And the power dynamics have definitely changed.

Even the staff members who genuinely admire the new principal are watching closely: Will they be fair? Can they handle pressure? Are they still one of us — or have they crossed over to “them”?

How I coach for this: We talk about how trust must be earned and re-earned — and that consistency is what makes people believe in you over time.

That means showing up in predictable ways: following through on what you say, keeping confidences, being visible, and giving credit generously and freely. It also means being transparent when you must make a decision staff may not like. I help them script the “why,” and we practice how to communicate it in ways that invite understanding — not necessarily agreement, but clarity.

And I always remind them: when you mess up (and you will), just own it. Say, “I missed the mark on that” or “I realize I should’ve asked for input sooner.” Vulnerability isn’t weakness. Used wisely, it builds trust faster than authority ever could.

A few coaching moves that help If you’re coaching a new principal in this type of situation, here are a few practices I’ve found helpful:

• Build structured reflection time.
• Name the identity shift.
• Design entry moves with intention.
• Identify key relationship dynamics across the staff.

Here’s what I tell every leader making this move:

You weren’t promoted because you were perfect. You were promoted because people saw your impact, your potential, and your ability to serve this school in a bigger way.

Yes, some friendships will shift. Yes, it may feel isolating at times. But if you lead with clarity, integrity, and compassion, people will follow — not because they have to, but because they trust you.

And that’s the real goal: to lead in a way that honors the past, serves the present, and builds a future where others can rise, too.

Toni Faddis, Ed.D., is a professional learning consultant and educational leadership lecturer at San Diego State University.