It’s that time of the year when we commit ourselves (or recommit ourselves, yet again) to improvements in our personal and professional lives. We resolve to care more, work harder, eat healthier and, yes, we buy gym memberships. Many of us are committing to improved overall wellness and mindfulness.  Unfortunately, studies have shown that fewer than 25 percent of people stay committed to their resolutions after 30 days, and only 8 percent meet their resolution goals. Often this inability to achieve our goals is linked to the scope and difficulty of the goals. This is extremely concerning given the stressful nature of the work we do. We wake each morning committed to meeting the academic, physical, social and emotional needs of our students and the adults who serve them, and then life happens and we are forced to deal with issues, crises and political realities not on our calendars.  This reality is exacerbated by the fact that many of us cannot leave work at work because we are digitally tethered to our desks by our cell phones. We are messaged, alerted, pinged and notified 24/7, and before we know it the inherent stress of our work becomes crippling distress. So, if improved wellness and mindfulness are important to us in 2020, why not ? If our quiet time — reading, reflection, rest, etc. — is important to us, we can put down our phones and engage the quiet. If our leisure time is important to us, we can put down our phones and engage the activity. And by all means, if the people around us are important, we can put down our phones and actively, meaningfully engage them. Being present is not only good for us, it is good for our relationships. Many of you know I suffered a heart attack and a full cardiac arrest in 2016. Shortly thereafter I started researching wellness and mindfulness, and I even put together a presentation to share what I had learned.  At the North State Conference, where I first shared my presentation, I was met at the front of the stage by the wife of one of our members with her superintendent husband in tow. “Tell him that part about disconnecting and engaging again,” she demanded. “Which part specifically?” I asked.

“All of it. Last week we were at our daughter’s volleyball tournament and, after the tournament, she told my husband she wished he could have seen her play. He told her he did and that he was there the whole time. She fired back at him, ‘No you weren’t! You were on your phone the whole time. If you were really there you would have been paying attention to me and not your phone.’”

Putting down our cell phones and being present is a pretty broad, difficult goal that would probably find us in the 8 percent success group. The Navy Seals teach their soldiers to set short-term, manageable goals that allow them to succeed and grow their confidence and capacity. In his newest book, Professor BJ Fogg teaches that tiny habits are small things that have the ability to change everything.  With that in mind, let’s break the goal down into tiny, manageable habits. Let’s pick a time when we are away from work to put our cell phones out of reach. Let’s let our staffs know that after that determined time, we will not be reading emails or texts, and they should not expect us to read theirs either (certainly they can call us if there is an emergency, but, even then, let’s clearly define emergencies).  As this activity becomes a habit, let’s put it away an hour earlier until we find that sweet spot that allows us to be effective at our work and appropriately present in our activities and relationships away from work.  If we need support, and we often do as we try to create a new habit, we can enlist a friend/ally. Because I needed help after my heart attack, my wife would take my cell phone from me every night at the agreed upon time and not give it back until the next morning. When not looking at it became a habit, she trusted me to put it away. Now if it is out during family time, she and my kids know I am not working. Changing behaviors isn’t easy. When I slide back into old phone habits, I remind myself what my son told me. He told me a year or so after my heart attack that our relationship was the best it had ever been because I listen more. I am not so sure I listen any more, but I am certainly working to be intentionally present. Whatever goals or resolutions you have, I hope 2020 brings you wellness and joy.