Schools today reflect a beautifully complex mix of cultures, beliefs, identities, and values — not only among students, but also among their families and the wider community. As conversations around race, gender, politics, curriculum, and inclusion continue to grow more polarized, educators and administrators often find themselves navigating challenging dialogue on what is best for students. However, in a community of increasingly diverse thoughts, identities, cultures, and beliefs, the ability to communicate across differences has never been more important to helping parents and caregivers support their children. This article explores how these conversations can be approached with care and courage, rather than avoidance or defensiveness. It acknowledges that complexity is constant, and educators do not have to choose between upholding school values and respecting community voices — they can do both.

Affirming diverse identities while working together Honoring diverse viewpoints begins with recognizing the full humanity of every person in the school community. Every belief — whether rooted in culture, religion, history, or personal experience — comes from a place of meaning. When educators respond to differing perspectives with curiosity rather than judgment, they open the door to understanding, even when consensus is not possible. Before responding, however, there is so much to be gained from listening.

There is a tool that is increasingly used across different workspaces to facilitate the gathering of interpretations, perceptions, and assessments from stake-holding parties to deepen the understanding on both sides. It is called a “listening tour.” In the school setting, listening tours can be used as a proactive way to hear from families and provide a platform for diverse identities and opinions. The educator’s role in the listening tour is to listen, but there are ways to make the session successful.

One, do not make any counter arguments. When you hear something that you disagree with, it can be difficult to refrain from responding with an opposing view. Keep in mind that every conversation is an opportunity to build trust, credibility, and rapport with the group. Two, do not make any promises. Little respect is offered for promising to fix a problem that you cannot solve. Three, report back. Depending on the size of the community, the listening tour may span over multiple meetings during a set period of time. It is important to report back to the group what you learned during the listening tour so participants feel heard and the group knows what actions are being taken to address concerns.

Communication strategies that build bridges Family engagement is a large part of supporting students because students spend most of their week at school. So, pull up a chair — you are part of the family. And, as in most families, disagreements are inevitable. However, there is no rule that conflict must be divisive; it is an opportunity to connect, reflect, and grow. The key is not to avoid difficult conversations, but to develop the skills to navigate them constructively. The following strategies can help educators and school leaders engage with respect and purpose.

Active listening with empathy: Make space for others to speak fully before responding. Listen not just for content, but for what matters most to the speaker. This builds trust and signals that every voice matters, even when viewpoints diverge.

Finding shared educational goals: Even when people disagree on the details, most care about student safety, academic success, and emotional well-being. Identifying shared priorities can lower defensiveness and foster cooperation.

Setting boundaries around respect: Schools must be a space where all students and staff feel safe. That means setting firm, compassionate boundaries against hate speech, personal attacks, or harmful generalizations.

Successful communication is not about changing minds on the spot — it is about creating space for respectful exchange. These principles form the foundation of any productive conversation and represent core principles for constructive dialogue:

Respect — Value the other person, even in disagreement. Curiosity — Ask questions from a place of genuine interest, not entrapment. Clarity — Speak your truth clearly, using “I” statements to reduce defensiveness. Empathy — Recognize and validate the other person’s feelings and experiences.

Just as there are communication strategies that build bridges, there are also ways of communicating that can tear that bridge down. It is just as important to recognize common obstacles that derail productive conversation:

Assumptions and stereotypes — Jumping to conclusions about others’ beliefs or motivations. Emotional reactivity — Responding with anger or defensiveness. Listening to win — Focusing on proving a point rather than understanding. Confirmation bias — Only seeking information that supports pre-existing beliefs.

Families want to be heard — and they should be. But active listening does not mean abandoning professional responsibility or compromising school values. Instead, it means creating forums where families feel welcomed to share concerns and insights, and where their voices are considered in decision-making processes.

Centering student needs in all dialogue with families In school leadership, administrators frequently find themselves at the intersection of diverse family perspectives, staff dynamics, district policies, and student needs. Navigating that intersection with clarity and compassion is one of the most powerful ways to lead a school community forward. At the heart of every school conversation — whether with families, staff, or community members — should be one guiding question: How does this serve the students? This means elevating the student voice in decision-making processes, especially those that directly affect their identity or access to learning. It means holding space for cultural and ideological differences while standing firm against discrimination or exclusion. Administrators can start by grounding every conversation with families in shared values. For example, statements like, “We both want your child to feel safe, included, and successful here” establish common ground. By beginning with common ground, administrators create space for difficult conversations to unfold with mutual respect. When the focus remains on shared goals — rather than ideological positions — it becomes easier to build collaboration instead of conflict. It cannot be ignored that administrators often face pressure to accommodate strongly held family beliefs, including those that may conflict with inclusive educational practices. In such situations, it is important to consider factors like if this request may impact another student’s right to feel safe or affirmed at school, if the belief aligns with current educational standards and the law, and how you can honor the family’s voice while upholding a school culture of belonging for all.

For example, if a family raises objections to approved literature, administrators can validate the family’s concerns without silencing student voices or restricting access to affirming content. One way to respond to that may be, “We understand this material may raise questions for your family, and we respect and support our right to engage with your child about those values at home. Our responsibility here is to provide a learning environment where all students see themselves reflected and respected.” When administrators consistently model dialogue that centers student needs and honors family voices, they help build a school culture where trust can grow — even in moments of tension. And when families feel respected — even when they don’t agree — they are more likely to remain engaged partners in their child’s learning journey.

Schools are microcosms of the broader world — reflecting its diversity and its tensions. Whether the conversation centers around curriculum choices, book bans, ongoing federal initiatives, student identity, or family values, at some point, an educator will arrive at the intersection of competing perspectives. Perhaps the greatest takeaway is that when families are meaningfully engaged as partners, they become powerful allies in creating the kind of school community that every child deserves. Ultimately, the goal is not perfect agreement. It is purposeful alignment around what matters most: the shared responsibility to nurture, protect and empower every student, every day.

Ashlee Reece-Walker, J.D., is a senior associate with the law firm Atkinson, Andelson, Loya, Ruud & Romo.