The weight leaders carry

acsa.org

September 7, 2026

The following article was written by Dr. Ryan D. Smith, deputy superintendent of Bellflower Unified School District.

Most school and district leaders can point to moments they have carried quietly for years: difficult decisions made, crises navigated, sensitive information held, or painful events no one else fully understood. We are expected to be steady, to face hard realities and keep moving forward. What we rarely talk about is what that steadiness costs over time.

The qualities that make someone effective in this work — deep care for students, responsibility, and calm in difficult moments — are often the same qualities that place leaders closest to the most painful realities schools face. Over time, being so close to the hardest parts of the work takes a toll. Purpose can sustain us, but it does not make the weight disappear.

The heavy lift of the invisible For most leaders, the emotional weight does not arrive in one defining moment. It builds gradually.

It can begin with responding to a student death, navigating an incident of violence, or supporting a school community through a painful event. At other times, the weight comes from the adult side of the organization. Investigations, allegations, and high-stakes personnel matters require leaders to hold care, accountability, confidentiality, and due process in tension.

In these moments, leaders often know things that are painful to carry and not theirs to share. They are still expected to walk into the next meeting with clarity and confidence. There is rarely space to pause. The work moves from crisis to next steps, and leaders move with it.

The decision-maker’s toll Some of the hardest moments involve doing what is right, following the law, protecting students, or acting on ethical grounds, only to face criticism afterward. Whether it involves dismissing a popular coach, changing an assignment, addressing misconduct, or determining where reductions must occur, the human impact is real.

These decisions unfold inside political environments where board dynamics, community expectations, and differing perspectives shape how every choice is interpreted. Disagreement can quickly become personal. At the same time, legal responsibilities, professional ethics, and confidentiality often prevent leaders from sharing the full context. As a result, leaders may absorb criticism while being unable to fully explain the circumstances that shaped it.

The strength trap

Leadership carries an unspoken expectation that strength means composure. In a crisis, the leader is expected to be the steadiest person in the room. Many leaders come to believe that being strong requires them to be unaffected by the work itself.

To survive, we compartmentalize difficult experiences and minimize our own stress. We tell ourselves our feelings do not count because others have it harder, or because decision makers sometimes carry things no one else can fully understand. We hide our reactions because showing even a single crack might undermine trust.

This is where the trap takes hold. What begins as strength, carrying burdens quietly and powering through difficult situations, can gradually become vulnerability. It becomes a barrier that prevents leaders from getting the support they need. Isolation is not a strategy for strength. It is a fast track to burnout.

Finding the ground again There is no single solution, but there are practices that help sustain leaders over time. The first is acknowledging the impact of the work. Difficult experiences do not disappear simply because a crisis has passed or a decision has been made. Recognizing that leadership can carry an emotional cost is not self-indulgent. It is necessary for sustaining ourselves over the long haul.

Professional networks and mentoring relationships also matter. Leadership organizations, trusted colleagues, mentors, and coaches provide space where leaders can speak openly with people who understand the complexity of the work. Informal check-ins after a difficult meeting can remind leaders they are not carrying the weight alone.

Grounding outside the role matters too. Family, friends, and trusted relationships help leaders keep the work in perspective when it feels overwhelming. Sleep, movement, and time to recharge are not extras; they are part of sustaining the work.

One practice I have found especially powerful is spending time in classrooms. Watching a student grasp a difficult concept or seeing a teacher fully engaged with students reminds us why we do this work. When leadership feels heavy, those moments restore perspective.

What school districts can do School districts also have a role in reducing the isolation leaders often feel. Central office teams can normalize the reality that leadership carries emotional weight by building structured debriefs after major incidents or crises, rather than expecting leaders to simply move on.

Districts can also ensure leaders have access to confidential support, whether through external coaching, employee assistance programs that feel safe to use, or facilitated peer groups that do not require leaders to disclose sensitive details to their own supervisors. Evaluation and goal-setting conversations can also include honest discussion about capacity, support, and sustainability, signaling that leader well-being is part of effective leadership, not separate from it.

Leadership that lasts Education leadership is built on care, responsibility, and a deep commitment to students and communities. Those same qualities often place leaders close to some of the most difficult situations schools face. When the weight of those experiences goes unacknowledged, even strong and capable leaders can become overwhelmed.

Schools and districts depend on experienced leaders who can guide communities through complex challenges over many years. If we ignore the emotional weight of the work, we risk losing precisely the people we most need to retain. We also risk teaching the next generation that carrying everything in silence is the price of admission.

Acknowledging this reality does not diminish leadership. It strengthens it. Education needs leaders who care deeply about the work and professional cultures that recognize the emotional demands that come with that responsibility. The people who choose to lead matter just as much as the work itself.