Over the past several years, the advocates who serve on the ACSA Member Assistance and Legal Support Team, under the direction of Margarita Cuizon-Armelino, have supported many administrators who have experienced increasingly hostile behavior from parents and community members.

Across California, school administrators have reported a rise in emotionally charged interactions, both at public meetings and during individual encounters. While incivility in public forums is troubling, many site level principals and assistant principals face angry parents or community members on a regular basis as part of their daily responsibilities. For new administrators in particular, these situations can feel overwhelming without guidance or support.

In response, members of the ACSA Member Assistance and Legal Support Team reviewed board-adopted civility policies from seven California school districts. Although the specific language varied, the purpose of each policy was consistent. These policies were not intended to suppress parents or community members from expressing concerns or opinions. Rather, they were adopted to maintain a safe environment for students and staff, and to ensure that school operations and the educational program are not disrupted.

Site level administrators are strongly encouraged to review their district’s civility policy and become familiar with the California Education and Penal Code sections referenced within it. These policies often provide important guidance and statutory authority when responding to disruptive or threatening behavior.

In addition, the following practical strategies may help administrators navigate difficult interactions with angry parents or community members.

Find a calm setting: When initially confronted, greet the individual calmly, maintain eye contact, and move the conversation to a private space as quickly as possible. This may reduce the likelihood of a public confrontation and help the individual feel less pressure to escalate in front of others. If possible, avoid having students present during these meetings.

Prepare office staff: Office staff can play a critical role in these situations. Consider providing them with training so they are prepared to respond appropriately if you are not immediately available. Even brief, calm interactions with front office staff can help deescalate a situation until an administrator can intervene.

Be an active listener: One of the most important tools in these encounters is listening. Active listening communicates that you have heard and understood the individual’s concerns. Taking notes — even when you are already familiar with the situation — demonstrates attentiveness and respect. Repeating key points back to the individual can further reassure them that their message has been heard.

Express empathy: Empathy is essential. While you may not agree with the individual’s position, acknowledging their feelings can help lower tensions. At the same time, it is important to clearly communicate expectations for respectful behavior. Let the individual know that you want to help, but that the conversation must remain civil and calm.

Keep the focus: Staying focused on the issue at hand is another important strategy. If the discussion begins to stray, gently guide it back to the original concern. You might say, “I’m feeling that we’re moving away from your main concern, and I want to make sure we stay focused so we can reach some understanding.”

Set clear expectations: If a parent or community member becomes verbally abusive or uses profanity, remind them that you are there to listen and assist, but only if the conversation remains respectful. If the behavior continues, you may need to end the meeting and reschedule, consistent with your district’s civility policy.

Take a break, if needed: In some situations, taking a short break can be effective. Offering the individual a glass of water and stepping away briefly may give them time to calm down before continuing the discussion.

Seek to understand the issue: Once the individual is calm, allow them to fully express their concerns before offering solutions. Avoid becoming defensive. This is when active listening is most valuable. Asking clarifying questions can also be helpful, as individuals are sometimes unclear about what they are really want.

Consider alternatives: If a request is unreasonable, consider offering alternative options for discussion. If additional time is needed to gather information or consult with staff, thank the individual for bringing the issue forward and commit to following up within a reasonable timeframe — often within 24 hours.

Do your homework: During this time, consult with colleagues, more experienced administrators, or appropriate district office staff. Consider potential solutions and the implications of each. While a win-win outcome is ideal, it is not always possible, and sometimes the best available option must be selected.

Schedule a follow-up: When you are ready to share a decision, schedule a follow-up meeting. If there is concern that the individual may escalate, consider having another administrator present or arranging for support to be nearby. After the meeting, document what occurred and notify district staff as appropriate, particularly if the individual may pursue the matter further.

Administrators in small districts are not exempt from these challenges. Even when site administrators also serve as “the district office,” having clear civility expectations and policies in place is essential.

Finally, remember that as an ACSA member, you are not alone. The Member Assistance and Legal Support Team — comprised of experienced administrators — is available to support you. Assistance can be accessed by logging on to the ACSA website and selecting the Legal Support Tab or by completing the online request form at acsa.org/legalsupport.